Are you preventing your own success?


From an early age, I struggled with the feeling that I wasn't good enough.  No matter what I did, to me it seemed as if I fell short of the basic requirements needed to be a useful human.  I wasn't particularly academic; I was smart, but I wasn't above average academically. As a child, I was often very shy in social situations, so I was overlooked and ignored and as I got older, my belief that I wasn't good enough, showed up in other areas too. 

  • I went from one dysfunctional relationship to the next and I didn't recognise when I was being treated badly, or feel entitled to expect more. 
  • I believed I was terrible with money and even though I tried to budget, I never seemed to be able to have enough and as a result, I fell deeper and deeper into debt.
  • In my career, I was regularly afraid to ask for a salary increase, or a promotion, for fear that my beliefs would be realised and my employer would confirm what I already knew to be the case... I was an imposter.

I've made lots of changes to my life and one of the most important changes, was to the way I treat myself.  When I began to pay attention, I realised just how critical I was of myself and looking back, I now see that I would set standards for myself that were unobtainable, and then use this as evidence of what I already knew to be true. That I wasn't good enough.

Have you ever paid attention to the things you say to yourself?  For me it was things like, you're not pretty enough, you're not smart enough, you can't do that, who are you to want that, what will people think, people won't like you if you do/say that...

I found that my outside experiences often supported my critical thinking and so for years, the cycle continued. 

Have you ever noticed that the more you believe something, the more you accumulate evidence to support this belief?  It's the same as buying a new car and then seeing that car everywhere you go, when previously you'd not been aware of them.  It's not because the cars weren't there to be seen, they just weren't in your conscious awareness. 

Have you ever noticed that if you really want something, but you don't believe it's possible for you, you will energetically attract experiences that support this belief, which subsequently keeps you trapped and unable to move towards your goal?  I know what you're thinking.  "If I have evidence, then it must be true!"  But what if you could change your thinking and get a different result?  What if you could overcome this thinking and start seeing different experiences; start accumulating evidence that you ARE capable of so much more?

It's hard to admit that I once believed I was so flawed, yet this realisation has changed the way I now treat myself and my life has consistently improved as a result.  Not just in terms of generally feeling better, but I'm actually able to do things I would never have done previously and attract different experiences into my life.

  • I push past my fears and do the things I dream of doing.  Things I would've previously told myself I wasn't capable of doing, like solo travelling across South East Asia for 9 months.
  • I attract healthier relationships.
  • I'm more creative (for years I told myself I wasn't creative, when actually, I really am!)
  • I was able to start my own business, which I'd previously thought to be impossible for me and I now realise that I don't have to work for someone else in order to make money.
  • I believe I am capable of creating any life I desire and that everything is possible, if you want it enough.
  • I encourage myself, as if I were my own friend and as a result, I am happier, more confident, comfortable in my own skin and able to show up exactly as I am.
  • I know that I'm perfect as I am right now - not in an arrogant way, but in a 'with the knowledge and skills I have right now, this is where I'm supposed to be' kind of way.  A sort of gentle acceptance of myself and kindness towards any limitations I might have.
  • I understand that what I believe is what I will create in my life, so I make sure I believe something more positive, to attract something better.
Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t - you’re right
— Henry Ford

Reflecting on my previous thought patterns led me to wonder how many other people have a difficult relationship with themselves, or perhaps have never paid attention to their inner dialogue before and don't realise how important it is. 

Ask yourself this:

Would you say to your friends, the things that you say to yourself?  If you answered no, then you already know that your dialogue might not be serving you, but are you aware of how much your dialogue can affect what you attract into your life?

Energetically, what we think, we project and then attract into our lives.  So if what you're thinking isn't serving you - try something different.

Become aware of your dialogue, take some time to journal about the things you say to yourself:

  • What are 5 thoughts that you've had this week, that aren't serving or helping you? 

  • How does this make you feel?

  • Are these thoughts 100% true?
  • What would be a more useful or positive thing to think instead?   
  • How would you like to feel?   
  • With this knowledge, which thought would you rather believe?  Which thought is going to allow you to move forwards?

Sometimes awareness goes a long way towards breaking patterns and at the very least, allows you to notice when you could be being more supportive to yourself (not so you can beat yourself up for not being nice to yourself, but so you can change the conversation).

If you know that your self-talk could do with some improvement, then I can help.  I work with people who want to change the way they think, so that they can move towards their goals and break free from the self sabotage that is keeping them stuck.  I tailor programs specifically to the needs of my clients, so if you'd like to find out more about how I could help you, get in touch!